Unless you are living through it, losing the love of your life defies description.
And yet here I am trying once again.
But I know he still cares about them and I was going to celebrate the day any way I could and I was determined to include John too.
Over the weekend I had dinner with friends and we toasted John and our special day.
On Monday I did a special meditation designed to help me "visit" with him.
That evening I prepared a special meal complete with champagne. I made coconut shrimp, one of John's favorites. And again I toasted us - this time with
I even asked John for a visit and he came through that night. It was short but real. So real I can still remember the details even now, a couple of days later.
And that is what brings me to my post today. The dream visit was beautiful and loving. And when I woke up, in those first few seconds of disorientation that you sometimes have upon awakening, my mind didn't register that John was gone, that what I had just experienced was not in this world.
In fact, my body was still registering what he felt like against me.
And my soul was at peace.
All the jagged pieces of my world smoothed and fell back into place. There was no sadness, no anxiety, no constant feeling that something was missing.
Things felt normal.
And then my mind cleared a little more and reality set in and my new normal came back complete with all those other unwanted feelings.
I miss that old normal.
So very much.